every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
