Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
