I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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