i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
