Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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