You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
