He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
