i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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