I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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