a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His hands were made for my vagina.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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