Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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