FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
