and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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