1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you still have your period?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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