Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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