Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
