And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
