i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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