I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
