All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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