He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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