We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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