My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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