My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
