i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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