we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
