Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
