im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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