But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
honey bunches of taint.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
