i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.