Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?