I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.