Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well