god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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