i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
