Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
