Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
