I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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