I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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