Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
