i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
