My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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