i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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