Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
