I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
