I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
