Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
