its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
