Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The adults are the big ones right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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