pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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