This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
