Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
