So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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