Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
