I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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