you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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