I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
only if we run a train.
done.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
