She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
