i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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