I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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