I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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