I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
