Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
