im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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