the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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