just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
