I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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