take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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