Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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