its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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