I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
