Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
