my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
