I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
