I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
